trauma doula

I encountered this term today via the brilliance of adrienne maree brown. Her voice is carrying me these days. And this idea that we need people — medics of the soul — to show up for the griefs of the moment really resonates.

I am on-call right now for several friends. An accident. An attack. A severe illness. A death. Whatever they need, whether it’s somatic work, meditation, listening. quiet, cooking and cleaning — whatever they need, I am here. I am with. I am along. I am balm and container. I am just me, I am present. I am human(e). I will tend to what my skills will allow and learn from each of them about what is needed, what helps, what soothes, so that I can take new knowledge with me when the next call comes.

And, actually, the call doesn’t come. Not in the way the phone rings and the doctor picks it up and grabs their black bag and dashes for the car and to the house with the birthing mama or the dying grandfather. No, this call comes through eyes that look less alive than usual. From a too-brief text sharing news of tragedy unfolding.

This call is rarely direct. It is sideways and circuitous. Some part of a person is signaling that help is needed even as the rest of them — often the majority of how they are presenting in the world — is saying I’m okay and it’ll be fine and oh thanks but I don’t want to bother you. These are the signs. And this is when I put out the call and offer this or that or maybe another thing — a smorgasbord of possibility, none of which will cure but all of which will bring tender witnessing. When we’re injured, when our sense of self, or sense of safety, or sense of what’s up and what’s down is severely damaged, this may be one of the most important things we need: to be witnessed. For that soft delicate part to be loved, and the whole rest of our strong, solid connected tissue to be gazed on and recalled as good and worthy.

This is work I can do. It feels right to me. There’s training involved, yes, but more so, there’s listening and showing up. Repeat repeat: listen and show up.